Journey of Renewal - BeachwoodBUZZ September 2023
Jason Toth, a Beachwood High School graduate, class of 2005, has creativity running through his veins and only recently has he truly embraced it fully. His journey unfolds against a backdrop of creativity stifled and identity lost, and then found again, an odyssey that captures the essence of renewal in its purest form. Jason developed a passion for art while at Beachwood Middle School and allowed it to dissipate in high school because he thought at the time that being artistic carried connotations of being gay. Jason didn’t want to draw attention to his sexuality so he traded in his paintbrush for a football helmet: a decision driven by the complexities of identity, societal pressures, and a desperate need to fit in. Although his passion took a back seat, its call remained an undercurrent in Jason’s life.
Photo Credit: Scott Morrison, Discovery Photo
After graduating high school, Jason attended Miami University where he majored in supply chain management. Upon graduating, he pursued a corporate career that gravitated toward marketing, which led to the creation of his own agency, where Jason tapped into his creativity to help clients grow their businesses. For four years, Jason poured all of himself into his business and saw successes that made him excited for the future. However, in 2019, his health seriously declined and he was diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), an autonomic nervous system disorder. Life as he knew it spun into chaos. His symptoms were so debilitating that he stopped working and spent the next three-and-a-half years focused on rehabilitation. “I had to learn how to live in my new reality with limitations that doctors said would be with me for the rest of my life.” POTS wasn’t merely a medical condition: It unraveled Jason’s sense of self.
The emotional side of POTS was as challenging as the physical one. “My identity was in my business. Suddenly it was gone and I was faced with a new reality of crippling physical symptoms and severe cognitive impairment. I was terrified. It was the most alone I had ever felt.” Life for Jason was a roller coaster. He would have a couple of good days, followed by a flare-up that would bring him down for weeks. He would then have to physically and mentally build himself back up. “My nervous system is so sensitive after a flare-up that I can only tolerate light exercise for a few minutes a day followed by bed rest,” he said. “It’s been a wild journey that only those living with chronic illness can truly comprehend.” Jason credits three Cleveland Clinic physicians for helping him navigate the uncertainty: Robert Wilson, Anna Hayburn, and Satya Munzar. “I saw many doctors prior to my diagnosis and often felt unheard or dismissed,” he told us. “Then, Dr. Wilson recognized my symptoms and made the POTS diagnosis. He and his team, specifically Dr. Hayburn, have since been a source of guidance and compassion throughout this disorienting experience.” A last-minute appointment with Dr. Munzar was then crucial for Jason’s journey of emotional healing and growth. “I went in for my annual physical with low expectations and was mistaken,” he said. “Dr. Munzar did more than listen. They dug deep into my life and experiences. They asked what it was like for me growing up and being gay, and then took time to discuss the impact of chronic stress, anxiety, and trauma on the nervous system. When I left that appointment, I was hopeful.” Dr. Munzar also suggested a couple of books: When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection, by Gabor Maté, and Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell. These books were effective prescriptions that aided Jason’s healing and guided him down a new creative path – one of photography and art – where he is making fast tracks to building a name in the art world. “I could not have imagined myself saying this two years ago, but POTS has been one of the greatest blessings of my life because of what it has forced me to do,” Jason told us.
Photo Credit: Scott Morrison, Discovery Photo
In addition to creating art, Jason found relief and growth through a regular meditation practice. “I decided to trust what people were saying about it and I put forth an honest effort to create a practice of my own.” Jason uses an app called Waking Up. “Sam Harris has an introductory course that starts with 5-minute meditations. He explains how we can observe our thoughts, and separate judgement and attachment to them,” Jason explained. “This concept and practice helps me accept reality rather than fixate on what could have been.” Jason also credits today’s successes to journaling and therapy. He learned to reframe past experiences, practice compassion, and love himself. He shared some examples of positive journaling: “When my legs pulsed with pain, I focused on gratitude for my feet and how well they have served me throughout life. I even wrote a thank-you letter to my bald head, once a source of insecurity. It taught me to not take myself too seriously and it is now a source of confidence. It helps that I’ve been blessed with a nicely shaped head,” he laughed. “My mental health journey gave me tools to overcome obstacles that had been holding me back,” he said. “It taught me to turn moments of judgment into moments of compassion and to live in the present. It led me to a truth that I cannot ignore: My passions are not mere whims or fleeting desires. They are the lifeblood that courses through my veins, the compass that guides my steps.”
RENEWAL OF SPIRIT
“Truth be told, I’ve always wanted to be an artist,” Jason told us. “When POTS made it impossible to continue working as I had, I found myself living a nightmare of dependence on others. I was determined to find a way of earning money that fit within my physical and cognitive limitations. This is how I found my art.” Jason’s art wasn’t a mere stroke of fate, it was an evolution. “Through trial and error I listened to my body, being mindful of things that lit me up and things that drained me. I followed the light, unsure of where it would lead. Initially, I saw myself as an imposter – not a real artist – and it was inconceivable that I’d be good enough to make and sell art for a living.” Jason then started to get more serious about photography, which had always been a part of his life. “My grandfather had a Nikkormat camera that he would let me borrow. In fact, some of my fondest memories from Beachwood include that camera and a photography class in middle school. Since then, I have been the documentarian of my family and friends.” Photography remained a hobby and along the way, through his business, Jason developed a keen eye for composition. A pivotal moment occurred in October 2022, when he visited his sister, Melissa (BHS class of 2009), in Utah. “She was driving as I stood through the sunroof, frantically trying to capture the breathtaking landscape that surrounded us,” he said. “When I reviewed my photos, I was actually impressed. So was Melissa. She was the one who encouraged me to pursue photography as a means of income. Her genuine enthusiasm and support fueled my confidence in a time I felt lost and alone.” It was clear to Jason that the market for landscape photography was oversaturated, so he put on his marketing hat and followed advice he would give to a client: “If you’re going to sell something, you have to differentiate yourself from the crowd.”
Jason then learned to use editing software, studied color theory, did market research, and found his niche: Photographic pop art of the mundane and overlooked. “My art really pops, especially when printed on metal, acrylic, or glass. When people view it, I witness their experience of genuine joy. Looking at people look at my art is one of my favorite things to do,” he told us. Jason has an eye for shooting scenes that aren’t traditionally pretty. Urban and industrial decay are often subjects for his vibrant works of art. “Rather than looking for something cool to shoot in the moment, I look for patterns, shapes, and light,” he explained. “For example, the steel beams of bridges in The Flats form lines that remind me of Kandinsky, one of my favorite artists. Finding beauty in the mundane has changed the way I observe everyday life.”
After seeing his art, it’s no surprise to learn that Jason draws inspiration primarily from post-modern and abstract painters like Wassily Kandinsky, Piet Mondrian, Mark Rothko, and Roy Lichtenstein. “My favorite creation, Renewal of My Spirit, is a willow tree at Edgewater Park. The original photo was bland, with a gray sky and muted, yellow leaves. It was a cold, wet, autumn day. I was feeling like garbage but challenged myself to get in some physical activity and seek out beauty in the ugliness, not realizing it would change my life.
Renewal of My Spirit I
When I edit photos, I don’t choose the colors of the final piece. They emerge through a process of manipulation and the vibrant colors that emerged stunned me. I was looking at something beautiful, something I created, that moved me to tears. That’s when I believed I was good enough to call myself an artist. The feeling of being an imposter melted away.” The moment was profound for Jason. It was the rebirth of his own identity, which became the namesake of the piece. Since the start, Jason had a vision: to create oversized works that connect with people who value and feel art. He is committed to that vision and finds that the more he trusts himself and the process, the luckier he gets. “At the end of the day, I create art that I love, so regardless of the response, I’m happy with it,” he said. He paused, then added, “That being said, external validation is the buttercream icing on the cake!”
Jason encourages people who have seen his art to stand back, take a moment to reflect, and challenge themselves to see bright, bold colors hidden in the world around them – especially on the grayest of days. “We exist in a kaleidoscope of color. You just have to reframe your perspective to see it.” His work as an artist represents transformation and growth. “My art is a creative expression of who I am and therefore the most honest thing I’ve ever done,” Jason said. “This is why I consider POTS to be a blessing. It led me on a journey of self-discovery, and what I discovered, I love dearly. Today, I am proud to call myself an emerging artist and I’m excited about where my art will take me. There’s so much potential and the opportunity is there.”
This past August marked four years with POTS for Jason – four years of transformation and growth that made him reexamine his values and confront his fears. “Courage had nothing to do with where I am now,” he said. “I simply had no choice but to trust myself. This is the renewal of my spirit and it’s bursting with gratitude.” Jason dedicates this article to his late grandmother, Renee “Bommie” Keller, who recently passed away from pancreatic cancer. He recalls one of the last things she said to him: “Jason, you’ve always been an artist.” Jason currently sells his art through his website, www.jtoth.art. He also has a social media presence on Facebook (JToth Art) and Instagram (JToth_Art). He has a number of art show events on the horizon and encourages people to go to his website and sign up for his newsletter, and to follow him on social media to find out where and when. Jason’s art and that of 19 other artists, myself included, will be on exhibit at Tree-riffic at the Beachwood Community Center, September 14 – October 7. An artists’ reception will be held on Tuesday, Sept. 19, 4-6 pm. Refreshments will be served. Additional information on Jason’s art and his upcoming exhibits may be found at www.jtoth.art.
